I’m struggling with today. It’s bereaved Mother’s Day. I don’t want to be a part of this day. I don’t want it at all and I don’t want it for anyone else. I wish this holiday didn’t exist.
But I AM thankful that I got to be Caden’s mother. I am thankful I had him so I’ll take it. #cadenstrong
Here’s some tips for talking to those of us with angel babies…especially today and next Sunday (Mother’s Day…we aren’t just bereaved mothers. We are just plain mothers too)
1. Don’t think too hard – just having you talk to us or acknowledge us as people and not some big lump of loss is great. We may not respond right away, but it helps just knowing you are there.
2. Remember our angel – say his name. You aren’t reminding us. We never forget. You acknowledging our children is music to our ears. We want to know how our babies touched your life.
3. Offer support – we may look like we have it together but we probably don’t. One of the hardest parts of this process is when people stop asking and start going back to a normal life. We often are just exhausted from trying to survive the day.
And here’s 3 things not to do
🚫say “It will be ok” – it will never be ok. Our baby is gone and with him went a piece of our heart. We will learn to live and find joy again, but our life will forever be “not ok”
🚫say “At least you still have (insert other child’s name” or “at least you can still have more kids” – I am more thankful now for my daughter than ever before. I cherish her life so much and love her beyond words, but she is not Caden. She doesn’t replace Caden. Nothing ever will. No mama should ever have to live without any of her babies.
🚫Give us the sad eyes or worse, completely avoid us – it makes us feel like black holes when we see you avoid us. We are going through something difficult and it makes it even harder to do it alone. Just be yourself. We aren’t going to break (though we may cry) but at least we’ll know you care
Tori Sullivant 